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Coronavirus Isolation, week 1/2

I am triggered. My battle with postpartum anxiety occurred exactly a year ago and it took me 5 months to get to a new normal.  It started with the two month quarantining of the baby (and as a result myself) to prevent us catching flu before he got vaccines.  My world shrunk to the size of my living room for the second time in my life. I sought to control what I couldn't by obsessing over the baby's sleep. My husband and I were no longer allowed to say the word "overtired", because it implied we waited too long to put him to sleep, and therefore him not sleeping was our fault (and therefore controllable).  Grapefruit, instead of overtired then. Fast forward a year. I'm telling my students, I don't think we will be here to take our unit test on (irony) state & local government next week.  I think to myself, if we don't take it that's ok, at least we reviewed.  I met with a coworker and we discussed what we would have students do for work if we mi
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Numb finger

Since I had my second c-section (which was planned and will be documented in a future post), I've had a numb pinkie.  It makes it incredibly difficult to type, but other than that it's a nuisance.  I can't figure out where it has come from.  My OB brushed it off as post-partum carpal tunnel, but I can pinpoint the moment it went numb (hello spinal block) so that seems a little off to me.  I reached out to a friend about back exercises, and although I've been doing those, haven't felt much improvement in the numbness. I'm curious what other little fun physical difficulties you were left with after your pregnancy, other than the ones that are well known.  For example, on The Longest Shortest Time, a woman's voice deepened (supposedly, won't spoil it for you).

Maternity, part deux

I started this blog when I was at home with my first LO - THREE YEARS AGO!  And I'm resurrecting it for my sanity, to give myself something to do at nap times other than watch office re-runs and eat cookies. The blog has been a sanity saver on this, day one of maternity leave on my own.  Today I cried hearing my husband's voice on the phone from his office, wishing we had a paternity policy in this country that would at least give me a partner in crime until my 6 week wellness check up at the OB.  Because being at home is lonely for an extrovert.  My second baby (so far) is the sweetest thing - a far cry from the devil baby I had three years ago - and he is an entirely wanted gift from god.  But to say he's not enough makes me a bad mom, right? But I haven't gotten the timing down for taking a walk, and he sleeps so well and frequently inside that I've been tethered to the couch all day.  If not nursing, then non-nutritive nursing (and this kid does not have nip

These are a few of my favorite things...

In addition to listening to do-re-mi and Lonely Goatherd regularly, I (and the LO, by extension) have some favorite things we have discovered in the process of getting to seven months old.  In no particular order, here are the things we could not live without. 1.   Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Puppy .  This is the first toy LO played with and she is still in love.  It does not really sustain her drooling on it, but she still lights up when she hears itsy bitsy spider.  You can set it to autoplay too, especially helpful when you need 5 minutes to do anything. 2.   DK Noisy and Pop-up Books (especially the Sophie the Giraffe and Animal ones).  Okay, maybe we are teaching our girl that all books have sounds.  But she is really getting into opening the pages and seeing what is behind each of the little peek-a-boo flaps.  We actually sit down and read together with these books - we've been doing it for months! 3. Convertible Woombie .  This little peanut shaped sack single handedl

Invisible woman

This is probably because I am tired.  But today I'm feeling pretty invisible.  A woman attached to a baby - a baby I love and adore, and do not resent.  She is wonderful even at 4 am (after I get out my slew of curse words and a few tears).  I love her so much and she is the joy and light in my life.  I love our little family, our cocoon. Instead, I'm feeling some resentment towards those who make me feel invisible, and sad - the ones outside the cocoon.  The ones who say "let me see that baby" and proceed to play with her without looking up once, to see how I - the caretaker, the chauffeur, the vessel - am feeling.  The ones who when we FaceTime don't care if I or my husband appear in frame.  Who forget that in the past year I had a c section, fell down a flight of stairs, lost a tooth and a gallbladder, and am still in nagging post partum pain. I can cry in the presence of others unnoticed if the baby is around.  I've done it.  I did it today, and am doi

On crying it out

Right now my girl is napping in her crib in her room for the first time.  6 months into her life.  And there were no tears (this time) - she just passed out the minute I put her down. I am far from an expert.  I'm a first time mom.  But when people reference crying it out, I cringe.  Our LO never cried it out.  She screamed it out, she shrieked it out, but she never cried herself to sleep successfully (in the traditional CIO sense). As new parents in a co-sleeping arrangement (not bed sharing, room sharing), we made sure not to touch the baby until she started crying.  We let her grunt, moan, make all kinds of noise without our interference.  No one told us to expect or do this, we just went on gut.  She really didn't need us until she cried, right? This was at night - naps didn't come so easy.  We tried everything to get her to nap independently.  We held her until she was dead asleep and put her in a little bassinet from the pack n play.  Occasionally she would nap

a letter to my newborn mommy self.

Dear Momma coming home from hospital, You got this.  That percoset fueled glaze from your C-Section and 18 hour labor will soon be replaced with a lack of sleep.  You'll savor getting four hours of sleep in a row like someone without kids enjoys sleeping in.  Keep chocolate around.  It'll be a great reward for getting up in the middle of the night to try and breastfeed.  Have everyone who is not related to you over at once.  This is why god created sip and sees.  You do not want people visiting unless they will do chores while you breastfeed from the comfort of your couch (thanks family!). I know feeding the baby was tough in the hospital.  Impossible actually.  But breastfeeding will get easier.  And if it doesn't, formula is your friend!  Remember how the baby wouldn't eat right away, so you spent every two hours shoving a breast in her mouth begging her to at least try?  So many tears, so much pain!  And when all else failed, we visited lactation consultants, an